Thoughts At Night
by Chinesemoon
Summary: After their fight at Number 12 merely days after Harry's arrival, Molly and Sirius must learn to confront their anger towards each other. Takes place during Ootp.


**Thoughts At Night**

By _Chinesemoon _

Molly Weasley sipped a cup of hot Earl Gray tea. Her hand stroked her temple gently, trying to ease away her headache. She'd been getting headaches a lot lately and she found that escaping temporarily to the quiet confines of the kitchen helped ease her mind and spirit most nights. There was just so much to think about lately. Since the previous year, when Harry had come back from fighting You-Know-Who, Molly's dreams had been riddled with many unpleasant visions. It varied from seeing each of her family members laying dead on the floor, to seeing poor Harry fighting against an eerie green light. She always awoke from those dreams drenched in sweat, from head to toe.

She sighed and took a bite of a biscuit. It was so stressful being in the Order. It wasn't that she didn't want to do it; she certainly felt the need to do something for the fight against evil. She hated to admit that she was scared. Everything had her on edge. Harry had only been at Grimmauld Place for two days and already she had screamed at almost every member of the Order and then some. First, at Sirius for revealing information to Harry, then Mundungus for his damn stolen cauldrons. Was it so wrong of her to care what happened to Harry and her children?

The fight she'd had with Sirius took a heavy toll on her peace of mind. Ever since he stepped foot into her life, Sirius Black had been hard to take. He was intense and irrational about everything he did, from setting the dinner table to doing Order business. It didn't help Molly's conscience that she had spent over a decade believing he was a murderer. It was another unfortunate price that they had all paid during all these years – mistrust of others when it sometimes wasn't called for; but it wasn't all on her part, either.

Molly sunk down in her chair a little. She didn't mean to be difficult, but she knew that's what some of them were saying. She'd heard Arthur on the landing last night, trying to calm Sirius down.

"She's under a lot of stress right now," Arthur said quietly.

"Yeah, I get that," Sirius was saying. "We all are. But she's not the only one concerned with Harry's welfare."

A single tear slipped down Molly's cheek. She wiped it away and was immediately annoyed by her show of weak emotion. This was no time to lose her head. If she started crying about that now, she'd not stop until dawn.

No one could deny how nervous she was for Harry, but it wasn't only Harry. Since Percy had stormed out of the Borrow in a flurry of anger, Molly could not get to sleep without crying. She still remembered his face. It was usually so much like Arthur's, but then it had been contorted in anger and a distant look of hurt. What had she done wrong? What had she done?

Over the years, she thought the horrors of war had vanished partly from her mind, but as the wizarding world entered a new era of destruction, the nasty reality of their situation was refreshed in her mind. This was one of the most frightening things about being in the middle of a war – you could never fully escape it. Not in your mind, at least.

She sipped her tea again and exhaled a heavy sigh. The door to the kitchens creaked ajar, and Molly jumped in surprise. It had to be at least half past one in the morning. Who was up at that hour?

Sirius poked his head into the room. He looked abashed when he saw Molly. Regardless, he entered the room with caution. He swept his unkempt hair from his face and stared at her for a moment.

"Sorry, didn't realize you were down here," he said. The silent offer to retreat back to his rooms hung in the sullen air between them.

"No, that's fine," Molly said graciously. "Go ahead and sit. It doesn't bother me."

Only it did bother her. It bothered her very much since their fight two nights ago.

Sirius sat down across from her. He reached for a biscuit and carefully broke off a bite and ate it. He was chewing much slower than usual, and his dark eyes were looking at anything but Molly's face.

After a few solitary moments of silence, Sirius finally looked up at her and let out a clearly frustrated breath.

"Look, Molly," he started emotionally. "If we're going to keep living in the same house, we have to stop avoiding each other."

"What makes you think I'm avoiding you?" Molly said.

Sirius laughed, but it was clear he found the situation anything but funny. "Don't kid yourself, Molly," he said. "You are. So am I… and I know it's about Harry. I'm just saying, is it necessary for you to be so uptight about the boy?"

"Me, uptight!" Molly said, her temper rising steadily along with her voice. "_Me,_ _uptight_! You think you're just going to get Harry to come and live with you, do you? Do you think he _wants_ to live with you?"

"Maybe if you'd stop smothering him," Sirius hissed, "we could ask him ourselves!"

"Oh sure," Molly barked, disdainfully. "Ask a fifteen year old what he wants! Are you mad?"

"Yes, in fact! Twelve years in Azkaban will do that to a person!"

"Just because you're lonely doesn't give you the right to try and control Harry and what he does!"

"And you can?" Sirius said. "_YOU_ can? He's not your son, Molly!"

Sirius had now abandoned his half eaten biscuit. Both his hands were gripping the table in front of him, and he stared angrily at Molly. Molly did the same.

"And he isn't your son, either! He's just as much my son as he is yours!"

"His father and I were best friends! I ran away from home when I was only a year older than him!"

"Is that what you want, Sirius?" Molly asked. Tears were on the verge of breaking lose. "You want Harry to run away? I don't need another son running away!"

"No offense, Molly," Sirius jeered, "but Harry is not the same as Percy!"

She could take it no longer, and the stream of tears dropped easily from her eyes. The mere mention of Percy's name always made her break down into an emotionally unstable heap of tears. Sirius looked like he regretted his words at once. He cast his eyes down to the table again, looking slightly ashamed.

"Molly, I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

"You did," Molly wept. Her shoulders shook violently. "You did and you're right. Percy is gone…he did run away!"

Sirius pushed away from the table and walked over to her. He fell to his knees and patted her hair softly. Regret and sympathy were shone in his eyes.

"It's a-all my f-fault," Molly stammered.

"Shh, no, Molly," Sirius said quietly. "He'll come around, you'll see."

Molly turned and leaned against Sirius's chest and cried even louder.

"Sirius, I'm sorry!" she wailed. "D-don't know what's wrong with m-me nowadays…"

"I know though," Sirius said, putting his arm awkwardly around her shoulders. "It's war, Molly. These are hard times for everyone. Hey, we're on the same side you know."

"I know," Molly sniffed, wiping her tear-stained eyes on his shirt. "I-I know."

Sirius pulled back and looked at her. Molly suddenly felt quite the fool for having made such a show of herself. She rummaged around for a handkerchief, avoiding his eyes.

Sirius stood up. "I think we should both try and get some sleep."

Molly pushed her chair away from the table and stood up. She took a steadying breath and made for the door behind Sirius. At the doorway, Sirius stopped and turned around to face her.

"For what it's worth," Sirius said, with a faint smile. "I think you're a wonderful mother to your children."

By hearing only those few words, obviously uttered so sincerely, something lifted in Molly's heart. She gave him an honest smile.

"Thank you, Sirius," she said. "And – it's worth a lot."

They nodded in acknowledgment at each other and left the room, both feeling a great deal more at ease than when they entered.

FIN


End file.
